Todays show...
Hello, My name is Samuel, and I'm a donkey. I'll be your host today's show where we're going to talk about the NFL, the "donkey" paradox, and .... um ... the teleprompter looks like it's saying "why do men have nipples". Ahem, excuse me for just a moment....
Ok, today we're going to talk about the NFL and the donkey paradox. You'll have to figure out for yourself why men have nipples.
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So, the NFL is just a bunch of showboaters who want to get on ESPN. Does every wide receiver have a small johnson? I mean, c'mon. Can they not score a touchdown without doing some lame celebration in the endzone?
I was sent this excerpt from "The Sports Guy" (column).
brought up the topic, "What touchdown dance would cause the biggest possible fine?"
You would think it would be Adam Carolla's idea for the "Touchdown Poop," which I described two years ago -- basically, the guy scores a touchdown, then squats like he's on the bowl, stays there for a couple of seconds, turns the pages of an imaginary newspaper and finally "pushes" the ball between his legs. We figured that if Randy Moss did that, he would get suspended for a game and fined like $150,000. Plus, Joe Buck might start crying on the air.
But I think this one would be worse: "The Delivery." What if Moss scored a TD and immediately fell to the ground on his back, with his legs up in the air like a pregnant woman, and two receivers stood on either side "cheering him on," and Randy pretended he was pushing, and finally the QB leaned over him and "pulled" the football from Randy's loins, then held the football to his shoulder like a baby for a few seconds before Moss stood up, gingerly grabbed the "baby," cut an imaginary umbilical cord, then spiked the ball as hard as he possibly could? I think that would be like a three-game suspension and a $500,000 fine, right? Plus, Buck would be more distraught than Walter Cronkite after JFK's assassination. Let's hope and pray that Randy reads ESPN.com.
While the above would be hysterical, it would spawn even more lame-ass attempts to "one up" the next celebration.
I'm more of a college football fan anyway, but this just solidifies my disdain for the NFL.
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So, I'm a donkey....and I hate it. Over the last 3 hours of online play I've managed to make way too many calls in some rather lame pots online.
It just pisses me off how I can play so solid for a full hour, and in a matter of 30 seconds, be looking at the felt.
I've had AK at least 20 times in that time span, and have yet to hit a flop. I've lost on at least 80% of those hands.
To top off my donkey play, I've been rivered for the tune of $40, and that just makes life worse. So I'm not on tilt, and have actually laughed off all the cash I've blown through.
Just needed to let you all know that I'm a donkey today.
No hand histories for you all to laugh and point your finger at me.... You can do that anyway, and get the same result.
I'm out.
posted by jedihog @ 7:52 AM
2 Comments:
Even donkeys feel like an ass everyonce in a while. I'm a big hater of Ace-King myself. If you look at my PokerTracker stats, I have a losing record with that hand. Don't know what it is. Its almost as if when you miss the flop you are broadcasting that fact to the world and they all know it. Ace-King is very overrated. It's probably the biggest hand that loses the most money.
Don't think you're a donk because Ace-King loses you money - just take some consolation in knowing it bites for the rest of us as well.
Men have nipples because nipples are developed in the fetus before the gender of the fetus has been determined. If your gender had been female, you might have needed those nipples. But because you ended up being male, you gots what you gots.
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